I can't fake it, take it.

So, called my mom. Needed my social Security number.
she begged me to come home. begged.
offered me so many things.
said she completely changed herself.
i don't want your material things.
i don't want those things.
i want my mom.
but i can't.
i can't.
Thats all i could say.
i wanted to hint that if she tried...
she could come get me.
she could actually just...take me home.
i wanted to say, "Ok!"
but...
i've grown so accustomed to living with my adam.
i couldn't...not live with him.
i get so much comfort out of just sleeping next to him.
so much out of simple things.


She begged,
she said she had nothing.
nothing.
and i just...
i couldn't take it.
i couldn't.



she offered so many things,
but all i coukld think about was spending time.
happy times.
not...
stand-outside-and-just-talk-a-little-bit time.

she said that they've never done anything bad.


so daddy's hands have never been around my throat?
he's never hit me so hard in the stomach it ached for hours?
he had to hold the second punch.
he wanted to hit me more.
he wanted to hurt me so badly.
i said mitosis, daddy.
thats all i said...
and you almost took advantage of that, oh old-best friend.
how i hate you. so much.
how i cried over you.
so hard, so hard.

i want a drink.
i want to be happy.
i want to be done with this.
i want to sleep.
i want to just...
disappear.