all this.

I'm rather sad.
I've been getting sad around this time for years now.
i hate that my family will have an all out war, and around Christmas just forget about it for a day-
fake?
but a the same time i love it.
i just hate this.
people as much as mention Christmas, i get so sad.
we got our Christmas trees today.
they got me a charlie brown one, so it'll be like home..
but...
i dunno.
im so happy with my little tree, but at the same time it makes me sad.
i want my mommy i want my daddy,
but i can't let him know that anymore,
i dont want to push him away.
i can't push him away,
i need him.
he hates when i get like this, because he can't fix it.
i just...
i dont know what to do with all this pain.
all this emotion.