i know this won't go away, and i know i have to deal with this right now and right here or else i'm going to go crazy.
i want to kill myself. yes, i am sad, and no i`m not going to do it. but i feel as if people would simply be better off without me. i feel like i even hold t down. i feel like i am nothing but a burden to my parents. i feel like Adam could do better. i feel like at the end of the month, there would be more food if i was gone. i feel like this world would simply improve without me. Yes, people would be sad, but after that sadness, lives would improve. or at least look up a little bit.
I feel like my one life could easily be removed, and make many peoples lives so much more enriched. i feel like i am nothing but a barrier. i am constantly depressed, constantly angry, or constantly clingy. i am nothing.
i try and i try and i try. but there is nothing but more want. i am but one person and i have no more to give. i`m all washed up. now please leave me be. because even though i do it, it isn't good enough. whats the point in trying at all?
in anything? whats the point of anything anymore? only 2 people are true to me all the time. T. Adam. well, and my parents. i love them so much.
i wish people could see i hurt. i wish people could see my tears. but i am invisable. adam knows, but he's...over there.
imagine if he could get some one better, with less emotional baggage. imagine how fine he would have it in life. imagine. imagine.
imagine my parents with me gone. at least they'd have a real excuse i don't get on YIM, right?
imagine t. no more worrying about devon, or doing dtuff for her, or getting her stuff because no one else will.
imagine.
imagine the house with more room. one less person. imagine.
just imagine.
and i'd be your memory.
but all i would want was to be forgotten.
and i can't tell adam this, because he would be so sad, and he doesn't read my blogs.
cause i don't let him.
i need. i don't know what i need.
but something is obviously wrong.
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I had to search 3 different sources before I found where you posted the blog.
ReplyDeleteAnd yes, something is surely wrong here.
People's lives would not improve if you were gone. I know my life would be relatively ruined forever.. a part of my SOUL would be gone. And Adam would especially agree with that. He doesn't want anyone else, he wants you.
People will always think that there is "someone better" out there than who they are. Sometimes they wish that their mate would find them, because they believe they are too good for themselves. But it does not matter if there is someone 'better' because thats not who they are looking for.
& you shouldnt even trip about that house. If you werent there, some other person would be. It's like a dang homeless shelter over there with Kamron and people who arent even looking for a place to really live. And you pull your own fair share of weight there, that you shouldnt even worry about. You do so much more there than other people.
Your parents love you and they want you back, not gone. Remember that?
& I do stuff for you because I LOVE YOU. Not because no one else will or because of anything else you can think of. It's not a burden & never will be.
And if you really want to get to the bottom of this, the world would be much better off without ALL of us humans. Let's not pinpoint it down to specific people, shall we? Everyone has their problems, no one's perfect.