can't apologize.

I’m a monster. I really am. Look at what I did to my parents simply because I had some teenage angst, I fucked it all up and this is my fault. Look at how nice they are to me now…. I fucked up. This is my fault. I don’t deserve to breath. I don’t deserve to have a heart that beats. I’m so sorry, but I can’t say it. Saying sorry to some one brings them all that pain all over again. They remember. I can’t do that not again. I just want to disappear. I want to die. I hate myself; I hate what I’ve done. I deserve to be locked up and thrown away. I deserve this pain. I deserve these damn tears. I deserve this pain. This is mine to hold, for what I’ve done. I broke her. I broke him. I don’t want that. I want a stable relationship. I don’t have any anger left in me for them. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I don’t deserve any type of joy. I’m just useless….